The time has come, I admit it, school hallways terrify me. But now as months and months of waiting has taken place, those couples you see will disappear before your eyes in a magic trick I like to call breakup season.
Oh how lovey-dovey a school hallway can be. Year after year I have waited in agony for these few months, which are similar to Christmas Day, offering very rewarding present: my personal bubble.
Accidently running into a guy with open arms waiting for his loving companion to arrive; trust me, dude, I did NOT mean to hug you.
Making awkward eye contact with a couple while they are holding each other’s hearts in the palm of their hand is an odd experience, especially when I know I am going to pull out my magic wand. Poof, be gone.
Ain’t nobody got time for that; seriously, you only have five minutes.
No one wants to up-chuck their lunch because of that one couple. You might have had a really good lunch. Imagine the effects barfing could have.
It could be a very traumatic experience. The headline–“The day my beloved hamburger and her species became extinct to me, I’ll never love again,” –maybe all you had to look forward to that day was a hamburger.
These couples are pulling magnetic forces apart, your relationship with this patty and bun is over, forever. I am sorry for your loss of appetite and affection towards that hamburger.
Welcome breakup season. Yes, this is a thing. In an article by Rob Gould in the Portland Press Herald, he provides information gathered from Facebook statuses proving this love drought does exist and occurs from January to March.
Christmas is over, say goodbye to Holiday cheer, it’s back to a regular work schedule and a deprived bank account from all of the blue boxes with Tiffany bracelets, Calvin Klein watches and Kate Spade handbags purchased and gifted.
After the gifts are given lust fades into the dark months of rain and typical Pacific Northwest weather.
Here is a plus, all of the loners in the hallway, including myself will be overjoyed with excitement while breakup season takes place. The negatives? The people who get dumped, I am truly sorry. Then again, that is a big positive since they get to join us with a hatred of gooey love.
Breakup season is upon us. Congratulations singles, enjoy the next few months.
