I vividly remember my computer having eyes.  

I was 14 and I knew I needed to pick a credit for English. The options were so daunting, though and I could feel myself perspiring. I could pick the wrong one. I could pick the right one. I loved English, but the options presented to me glared into my soul and provoked me until I could pick which branch of English I wanted to pursue for the year.  

I ended up picking Sophomore Journalism. Storytelling seemed like a fair fit. I had low expectations, but I was avoiding Debate or another standard English class about Fahrenheit 451 or Animal Farm.  

When I walked into the doors of my Sophomore Journalism class, my life was transformed. Very quickly, journalism swept me off of my feet. I was entranced in a world of interviews, quotes, storytelling, editing and teamwork.  

Journalism was an English credit. Newspaper, however, was not. Newspaper was not even a CTE credit. It was just an elective. I wasn’t really getting anything graduation-credit wise by signing up for Newspaper.  

Alas, I did indeed sign up for Newspaper my junior year. I was honored to help produce Vol. 111 of The Viking Vanguard while also anchoring The Helm. After a year of both internal wins as well as external validation through awards or recognition, I was exhilarated to begin my senior year.  

In short, senior year had not lived up to my expectations. I was let down through the summer with the passing of my childhood dog and moving to a drastically new environment in Arizona. Like my thighs to a chair on a hot day, I was stuck and peeling away proved to be more painful than I had thought.  

With these new feelings of loss and guilt, combined with the weight of college applications, scholarships, financial aid, letters of recommendation and AP classes, I was exhausted. I could not even find solace in the one place I had gone to previously, the media room, since it was several states away with all of my friends and personal belongings.  

I thought moving back to Washington was good news. It would be a smoother transition than moving to Arizona was. 

 If there was ever a time to hit a red buzzer labeled “incorrect,” in all caps, that would have been the time.  

I struggled. Like, a lot.  

I love Newspaper. I don’t know how clear I can really make that. But in my transitional period, this was really put to the test.  

It didn’t feel like mine anymore. I didn’t have any real authority to make decisions and help produce another year of a Newspaper that meant everything to me.  

Next, I should write, “But it all ended up okay in the end and these feelings just went away eventually!” 

While I’m not going to do that, the word “eventually” stands out to me.  

Through time, I’ve coped with my losses. The feelings don’t go away, but they do get smaller. I do have a voice on the Newspaper, and though it may not have the strongest echo, Viking Student Media is a family and has shown that to me while I’ve expanded my hobbies and interests.  

I want to offer a tidbit of insight about senior year; it’s incredibly overwhelming.  

With a support system, consistent environment and time however, it gets easier.  

I would not be who I am without Newspaper. But I also would not be who I am without having Newspaper ripped away from me and handed back to me in shreds.  

This has been Katelyn Ervin with Viking Student Media, signing off.