I will say it outright: You will never meet the standard of “good enough.”
Though it is a harsh sentiment, there is no use in dancing around the truth. There will always be some aspect of our lives where we are not performing at our best, where someone will want more from us, where we will be plagued by insecurity. Try as we might, pushing ourselves and reaching for more will inevitably expose other flaws in our person, because, as they say, perfection is not achievable.
I repeat this mantra to myself almost as much as I repeat my more optimistic beliefs, because at its core, this reality does not have to be one of perpetual disappointment and insufficiency.
I have always pushed myself academically. From a young age, I have worked to set myself apart from my peers, to succeed on tests and impress my teachers. I took advanced courses, signed up for additional classes, and studied to improve my understanding of content. I can often be found in classrooms after school, working a little too hard on some project that was perhaps a little too ambitious (yes, this does include working on student media). Yet, in striving for a higher standard, I introduced myself to self-doubt and a perpetual sense that I need to be doing more.
Yes, I passed chemistry, but I neglected to take calculus. Yes, I created graphic designs that I am proud of, but I lost track of the deadline and ended up being an inconvenience to my peers. Yes, I studied for the test, but I ran out of time to complete the homework. The A- I poured my soul into can never be the A that I know could be printed on my report card instead.
It is not just at school that I find myself stuck in these insecurities. Successfully completing a long day in classes still finds me at home, putting off doing the dishes and choosing to sleep instead of talking with my family. When I worked retail, I would feel proud for putting on a smile for eight hours, but it would not last in the face of exhaustion and depression after my shift. Putting work into one of my relationships often leaves me too drained to communicate with other people in my life, practicing one of my hobbies leaves no time for others, focusing on myself makes it hard to meet the needs of my loved ones.
For me, it is not enough to be good; that is not the same as being “good enough.” And I suspect that I am not the only one who feels this way. It is a societal problem, after all.
Not only are our minds pointing out all the areas in which we fall short, we are constantly being shown why we are not sufficient. We are reminded that only the best of the best are afforded certain opportunities, that success looks like constantly increasing numbers and climbing status. The demand is for “more,” the focus is on “the most.”
Practically, it is important to identify where you can improve, but at some point, it becomes too much, something that weighs you down and blinds you to all the progress you have worked so hard to make.
It leads me to wonder how the people I view as better than myself, those more qualified or successful, think about themselves. It is quite likely that they feel insecure as well. This is hardly a temporary problem, but rather a learned behavior that permeates our thoughts no matter our performance.
It is tough to admit it, but I know that I will never be good enough because, deep down, I will never be able to believe it.
Again, it is easy to become upset and despondent about this. It is a paradox where you will always be pursuing something unattainable. However, we can still change our approach to this issue. We can make the choice to be optimistic.
Accepting that I will not meet the standards I crave allows me to acknowledge the inherent harmfulness of this thought process. I can practice giving myself grace, I can remind myself that my accomplishments do, in fact, mean something. “Good enough” is as quantifiable as it is attainable. We must put effort into changing the way that we think about our own progress and effort.
Take away the timeline of your sufficiency. Change your perspective on achievement and worthiness. Work not towards some vague goal, but on becoming a happier, more fulfilled version of yourself. It is not easy, but it is the only way to actually be happy with your life.
No, you will never be good enough.
But you can still be intelligent, accomplished, and worthy.
In fact, you are already. You’ve got this.
