With graduation just around the corner, the thought of walking across that stage becomes more precedent. The time that seemed so far away four years ago, is now approaching and with that comes moving on with my life.
From the people I have known since kindergarten, even though I may not talk to them anymore, their faces have brought me comfort and familiarity throughout my life.
Moving on and knowing that I will not have to wake up at 7 a.m. and put on a fake smile everyday relieves me. Sometimes sitting in a room full of people who could care less about you is mentally draining all on its own.
When you’re mentally not okay in the ways I have been, you feel alone. When nobody notices that you’re not okay, that’s when it becomes extremely tough; it’s the fact that people don’t care enough to notice, or they don’t care enough to ask you if you’re okay.
With that being said, high school wasn’t all bad; I had my friends who now, after all these years, I have finally let in and started being myself around. And then there’s softball; softball became my escape, a safe haven.
The softball field is where I grew up; sometimes I feel like that is where I am my truest self. I don’t have to worry about the world or my life blowing up when I’m in between those chalk lines, it’s as though time stops when I’m on the field. Through everything that has happened, softball has been the most consistent, always there to lean on when I needed an outlet. There was always a softball bat and tee to take a couple hacks when I was feeling angry or hurt about something.
Now I can say it has become more than a game; it has impacted my life for better and for worse. From the constant battle of success and failure, I tended to judge myself based off of my performance; which looking back on now, I think that is what a lot of athletes do.
Next year I made the decision to leave softball behind me and figure out who I am outside of the game. Although it will be hard, and I can’t imagine no longer playing, sometimes the hardest decisions are what are best for you.
With school not being the best time of my life, I also found an outlet and passion through Viking Student Media. Not only telling but hearing your stories has changed me for the better. The impact you all have had on me is unmatched to anything I have ever experienced; thank you for allowing me to find and follow my dream for the last three years.
Now sitting here writing one of the very last stories for this media program, I can look back and remember the good over the great amounts of bad. Everything important to me – my friends, my sport, this media program – have led me to the point where I don’t want to leave.
