Let me begin with a small disclaimer: I am in no way upset over my parent’s decision to get divorced and I am in no way trying to gain your pity. I just believe it is time to share the main reason behind why I am so much of an introvert.
My parents have been divorced since I was two years old. I do not remember the family war that took place before the ink dried on the divorce papers, nor do I remember what it was like to be raised by both parents in the same home. But what I do remember is the life-changing affect my parent’s divorce has had on who I am today.
I live with my mother and only see my father every other weekend, which adds up to approximately four days a month plus or minus various holidays. Not only does this traveling back-and-forth between parents become a struggle when I have three textbooks to haul to and from my father’s house but it also becomes hard to attend school events and see my friends.
When it is my father’s weekend I tend to stay home and do homework in the living room, desperate for one-on-one time with my dad. Only, when I go to my dad’s house I seem to become an entirely different person. I talk less and politely agree to almost everything my father and step-mother have to say. I never voice my opinion, even on dinner choices, just because I do not want to say the wrong thing and accidently ruin my shaky relationship with my dad.
But I have since then realized I have been a player that struts across the stage of my life, mindlessly going through the motions of trying to make everyone around me happy while simultaneously creating unneeded stress and worry for myself.
This constant desire to please everyone has only made it impossible for anyone to truly get to know who I am and I have come to the conclusion that I need to take a stand and finally let my true colors shine.
Because if I cannot love myself enough to voice my opinion, how can I expect my relationship with my dad to improve?
I think sometimes we get boxed into our own lives and the struggles we view at the time as the end of the world really are just obstacles along the journey of life. Whenever I become stuck in my head I remind myself that there are people in the world who have it a lot worse than me.
I have a loving mother that means the world to me and I have a countless amount of friends who would drop everything the second I needed help and for that I am enormously grateful.
I may have made a mistake in letting my parent’s divorce dictate my relationship with my father in the past but I plan on learning from it and opening myself up to the possibility of a brighter future. I plan to speak up and no longer let what others think cause me to act a certain way. I will do what makes me happy and remember that the people who truly love me will only learn to love me more as I finally be myself.
With my newfound knowledge I wish to leave you with the mantra I have come to live by: be yourself and do not be afraid to show the world the magnificent person that you are.